


So Like A Rose

by Sashataakheru



Series: Lord Greg and His Boys AU [27]
Category: Taskmaster (UK TV) RPF
Genre: Angst, Bisexuality, Drunk Sex, Dubious Consent, F/M, Flirting, Grifter AU, Hate Sex, Karma's a bitch, One Night Stand, Regrets, Rough Sex, Running Away, Seduction, consent for all the wrong reasons, hangovers, hazy memories, spite fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:54:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22222897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sashataakheru/pseuds/Sashataakheru
Summary: All Ed wanted to do was drink away his heartbreak and forget that he'd left James behind. What he didn't ask for was someone to turn up and beat him at his own game.
Relationships: Ed Gamble/Rose Matafeo, past background Ed Gamble/James Acaster
Series: Lord Greg and His Boys AU [27]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1302947
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	So Like A Rose

**Author's Note:**

  * For [littleb0d](https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleb0d/gifts).



> This, firstly, is trash_bat's fault for putting Ed/Rose(/James) into my head to begin with, and, secondly, littleb0d's fault for requesting Ed/Rose fic and encouraging this stupid idea. XD

Ed stared into his wine glass, wishing for something different to happen. He'd been in this pissy little bar just outside Marseilles for a month, living off-grid, and nothing seemed to be going his way. He'd always imagined his escape, if it had to happen, to be something fun, particularly after he met James. The kind of time where they just lived it up, knowing they'd got away with it. But he can't enjoy it this time, because he left something behind. Someone behind. And, God help him, he regretted it the moment he left his flat, but he was in too much of a panic to change his mind so now he'd just have to live with the pain he'd caused, because there was no way James would ever take him back after this. 

"Another wine, s'il vous plait," Ed said as he pushed the glass back to the barman along with the money.

Ed looked around the bar. It wasn't very full. It was early afternoon, and no one seemed to be around except for a few tourists and a couple of locals. He hadn't planned to come here, of course. He'd just found himself driving through the mountains and this was the first wine bar he'd found and he liked it enough that he decided to stay for a while. It was the cleanest he'd lived in many years, if he was honest. Hadn't scammed anyone since he'd been caught. Sure, he'd transferred enough over to keep him in cash for a while so he didn't need to, but that wasn't the point. He can't have been that good if he'd been caught. 

At least it was quiet. He could just sit and think and try to figure out what to do next before he ended up stuck here forever. Well, it was quiet, until a woman made her entrance as she strode into the bar, and took a seat next to Ed. She looked tired and frustrated and hot as she took off her hat and set it down on the bar with some irritation.

"Your best wine, sir! Whatever this much will buy!" she announced as she offered a fistful of cash at the barman, who had the temerity to look offended even as he took the money.

Ed took note of her New Zealand accent. Also she was a bit cute, with her dark olive skin and tightly curled hair. Ed turned to her. "I'm not sure you're going to get very far with that attitude. At least say good afternoon first before you demand a drink," Ed said.

She offered him a scathing look. "I don't think I asked to speak to you, did I, posh boy?" 

"Well, I didn't ask you to disturb my peace, did I?" Ed snapped back.

She sniffed disdainfully and turned away from him, declining to respond. She took a moment to compose herself before she tried again, if only in an attempt to mend relations with the barman.

"Good afternoon, sir. I'm sorry, it's been a very long day of driving around in circles with someone who swore they knew how to read maps." She shouted the last part over her shoulder at some unknown companion before rubbing her forehead. "I hope you've had a better day than I am. I'd just like a bottle of your best wine, please."

The barman chuckled, seemingly in better spirits. "Ahh, yes, the roads are confusing round here. Not to worry, our wine will cheer you up."

"Thank you, sir. I'd like to apologise for my rudeness, but at least that prick is gone. He seemed to think I'd still be dating him after this. Which god cursed me to be straight? Ugh, men are all cunts," she said, trying to be polite in the midst of fuming about her situation. She sighed. "But I'm sure you don't need to hear about my dramas. I just need to drink until I forget he's left me stranded in a tiny village in the middle of fucking nowhere."

"I think you need more than wine, Mademoiselle. Here, this should help," the barman said, pouring her a glass of pastis, diluted with a little water.

"Thanks, man. What's this? Looks like whiskey," she said. She drank it in one go. "Yeah, oh, god, that's a- that's a lot, that is. Ta."

Ed watched on, amused by her reaction to it, because he'd reacted similarly the first time he'd had pastis as well. It had clearly been stronger than she'd anticipated. The barman was laughing, but not in a cruel way. 

"I call you a taxi, yes? Get you back to where you need to go?" the barman said.

"Thanks, but no, because he'll be there, and I don't want to see him right now. Ugh. Who breaks up on a holiday, for fuck's sake." She gave a big sigh and turned to Ed, seemingly in slightly better spirits. "What are you doing in this shithole anyway? I got lost, what's your excuse?"

Ed shrugged. "Ran away. Not that it helped. I left the best thing behind." 

"Oh, right, I see." She turned to the barman. "And how long's he been here, then?" 

The barman considered him. "A month, more or less. If he didn't drink so much, I'd kick him out, the bastard." 

"Hey, I'm your most regular customer. I'll go drink elsewhere if you're not careful," Ed said.

The barman laughed. "If you had somewhere else to go, you wouldn't be here. Go on, lady, cheer him up. He's been moping here for a month. He needs a woman like you then he'll be happy."

She looked at Ed. "I mean. He is cute, that's for sure. But I usually don't go for mopey fuckwits who aren't over a break-up yet. You've got an hour to convince me otherwise or I'll fuck off back to Marseilles."

"Then we're going to need some more Ricardo," Ed said to the barman.

* * *

Ed was laughing, in spite of himself. Her name was Rose, and she was beautiful, but that might just have been the drink talking. She'd led him to one of the tables out the front, tucked into a little corner, and there they'd been sat for the better part of perhaps three hours now, drinking the afternoon away. Dusk, and the evening crowd, were coming on fast, and Ed found himself unable to look away from her. 

"Look, that's just how it is, alright? I won't be taking any further questions on this matter," Rose said, trying not to laugh.

Ed shook his head and smiled, finishing his wine. "I'm never going to win with you, am I? Hey, listen, do you want to get dinner? There's a lovely little place down the road that does really proper traditional French food. I think you'd really like it."

Rose did not look impressed. "And why exactly would I want to get dinner with you?" 

"What, you'll drink with me all afternoon, but turn down a meal? What else are you going to do out here on your own?" Ed said.

She sat back, sighed, as if she was remembering her predicament. "Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. Alright. I am hungry, now that you mention it. This had better be good food though, I'm very picky."

"Oh, it's good food, alright. I eat there all the time," Ed said.

"Is that because no one ever taught you how to cook because you always had one on staff?" Rose fired back. 

Ed made a good attempt at looking offended, but he wasn't really. "Ooh, and here I was, thinking you'd got over that. And for the record, I do know how to cook, thank you very much, but it's just nice being around other people, you know?"

Rose laughed, unable to sustain her faux outrage. "Alright, alright, sorry. Come on, then, take me to dinner. But you're paying, though."

"Always happy to buy a meal for a beautiful lady," Ed said.

Rose seemed to blush at the complement, and Ed could tell his charm was working, even if she seemed reluctant to say so. "Ugh, stop it, you arsehole. I'm only doing this because I just got dumped and left out here with nothing. This had better be fucking worth it, you here?"

"Oh, it will be, don't worry about that. You need to taste his beef stew, it's to die for," Ed said. He got to his feet and offered his hand. "Come on, Rose, let me show you a good time."

She took his hand. "Alright, fine. Just because you're cute and paying for dinner, yeah?"

"Absolutely," Ed replied. 

* * *

Dinner was when things began to get a little blurry for Ed. Possibly two wines too many, in the end, and champagne to start didn't help at all. It wasn't that he couldn't handle his drink, either. But Rose was as much of a flirt as he was, and he found himself not really paying attention to the food as much as to the way her foot was just gently stroking his leg under the table, and all it did was make him far too eager to get home. 

* * *

"So this is where you live, huh? A shitty little cottage on the outskirts of town? You're really living the high life, aren't you?" Rose said as Ed showed her his place.

"I wanted isolation, not luxury. It's been perfectly fine so far," Ed said.

She turned to him. "Well, I guess it'll have to do, won't it?" 

Ed took a moment to understand what she meant, only really getting it when she tossed off her jacket and walked towards him. 

"Oh, yes, well, I guess it will, yeah," Ed said. 

She frowned. "What, now you don't want to fuck me? You were all over me at dinner."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Sorry, you pulled the sleepy drunk, so I guess we'd better get it over with before I pass out," Ed said.

Ed wasn't that interested in sleeping with her, if he was honest. He was sure he wouldn't have been as interested in her if they weren't both drunk off their tits. Sure, she'd be a nice distraction, but a spite fuck was a spite fuck, and it wasn't what he needed, not now. 

"You could at least try to sound interested when a pretty lady says she wants to fuck you, but yeah, I think we had one too many champagnes, don't you think? Fuck," Rose said.

Ed laughed. "Come on, if we're going to hate fuck to spite your ex, we might as well get on with it."

"Oh you'd better believe this is a hate fuck, alright. You'd better have a decent cock, that's all I'm saying," Rose said.

"Oh, don't worry, I'll be enough for you," Ed said.

"Ugh. I hate you. Stupid boys. Why the fuck am I straight? This is so stupid. You're stupid. But I'm drunk and horny and stuck out here in the middle of nowhere so I guess you'll do," Rose said as she walked towards him and shoved him over to the sofa. 

* * *

That was the last solid thing he remembered when he woke the next day. Being shoved down and held by her as she fucked him. It had been quick and furious, and she'd sworn her lungs out the entire time. Ed hadn't even minded the way she took all her anger out on him, leaving him covered with scratches, bites, and bruises. She clearly needed to release that anger, and he was the target. Seemed fair to him. He'd never have admitted that, deep down, he felt he deserved it for what he'd done to James. 

As for after that, well, Ed couldn't really remember. They had both got to that point of quiet drunk, lying on the floor, gazing up at the ceiling, having the most ridiculous conversation that only sounded deep and meaningful because they were talking softly to each other. That much he could remember, but then the ceiling had gone weird and that was about the extent of his memory. 

At some point, he'd fallen asleep. Didn't know when. Couldn't remember how he'd ended up lying on the floor in the kitchen with only his pants on. But that's where he was when he woke, his body stiff and sore as the hangover kicked him while he was down. 

Rose was gone, Ed noted, as he wandered around his cottage, trying to piece together his memories. No idea when she'd left. After he'd fallen asleep, obviously. He gathered his discarded clothes and pulled them on, finding them in all corners of the cottage, which was quite the effort given that it wasn't very big at all. 

It was only as he got to his bedroom that he realised something was wrong. His bag was missing. He blinked a few times, hoping he'd just put it somewhere else, but a cursory search of the room revealed nothing. Then he spotted the note she'd left stuck to the bedhead. 

" _'Sorry, couldn't stay, had to go find some other dickhead to fuck over. Thanks for the €500. Much appreciated. Also you were the worst guy I've slept with in two years. Enjoy your miserable life, fucko,'_ Really, Rose? Jesus Christ, there was no need for that," Ed said, reading her note. "Has she really cleaned me out? I hope she hasn't. That's the last thing I need right now."

Moving at speed in a panic with a hangover was not how Ed wanted to begin his day, but he couldn't remember where he'd left his wallet, and he also hoped she hadn't found the tiny notebook he'd hidden that would give her access to the rest of his fortune. That he couldn't remember much of what he might have told her once they got back here concerned him, but what could he do now? 

Eventually, he found his wallet down the back of the sofa, and it had been stripped of everything. She'd taken it all, cards, cash, the lot. He might have worried about the missing cards more but they were all fake IDs anyway. She'd also taken his bag of clothes, since he never bothered unpacking so he could make a quick get-away if he needed it. He was literally left with the clothes on his back. But thankfully, she hadn't found that notebook, which he'd tucked behind a loose panel of wood in a bookcase along with his passports, hiding it from sight. 

"Fucking hell. At least I've still got most of my money," Ed said, flopping down on the couch. "It's going to be a bitch replacing those cards without alerting the authorities though. That is absolutely the last time I get drunk with a stranger, I swear to god."

That was when he noticed the second note on the coffee table, sitting on top of his deck of cards. And he knew it was his deck of cards, because there was a little diamond drawn in black on the base of the box, which James had drawn to remind himself which deck was the rigged one. He'd used it as a practice deck when Ed had been teaching him card tricks. That deck of cards was the only personal thing he'd brought with him.

"Oh, no, I didn't tell her about James, did I?" Ed said as he reached for her note. " _'I was going to burn them, but I thought I'd just take the deck instead. No wonder you kept winning, you rigged the deck, you cheater! No wonder your boyfriend dumped you!'_ Oh, fuck. Oh, no, she didn't take the deck-"

Ed reached for the box, but it was empty. She'd taken the deck. The last remaining link he had to James had gone. He was left with an empty box, which, in his anger, he crushed and threw away before he realised what he'd done and retrieved it, trying in vain to fix it. It was so stupid to be that attached to an empty box, and he knew it, but he couldn't help it. He unfolded the now broken box and saw James' handwriting inside, making notes of the different decks he knew how to set up and their symbols. That boy was going to be the death of him, he just knew it. 

"Fuck. Fuck! She really fucking took everything. I should've known she was too good to be true. This is karma for all the scams I pulled, isn't it? Jesus Christ. I hope James is having a better time of things than me, because this really, really sucks," Ed said.

He lay back and buried his face in his hands as he let out a cry of frustration. He thought he knew all the tricks in the book. He thought he could spot a grifter a mile away. Turns out, a broken heart and a few drinks was all it took to ruin his judgement. Perhaps he really was shit at this, and only got away with it because the people he scammed had more to lose than he did. Fuck. 

"She'd just better pray I don't run into her again, because if I do, I'm going to fucking _ruin_ her, I swear to god," Ed cursed.


End file.
